hospital aside, A+ day!

me, January 1st: new year, new me #health

me, 2am, January 3rd: wakes up in the emergency room

Just to start out on a positive note, January 2nd was an awesome day. It was a total bro day, if anyone remembers How I Met Your Mother back when it was lighthearted and full of laser-tag. I was taken out for a great breakfast, brought to a go-kart track where I did NOT come in last place, wandered around my favorite library, had a lovely & cozy dinner, and then saw my NHL team win 7-2. All with somewhat enjoyable company, to boot. You’d think I was someone’s beloved elderly pet about to be put down, the way this day was arranged.

The evening took a minor turn when I fell sick and had to be carried (I think? or dragged?) to the hospital. Two hospitals, actually, because apparently the first one was closed.

I don’t remember what happened, which is hard to admit and a little bit scary. I remember leaving the game, but not running into a bar restroom and getting sick, and definitely not anyone climbing into the stall to get me. I don’t know how I got to the hospital…and to me, the strangest part is that I don’t remember any progression, of neither pain nor drunkenness. I also don’t remember any point where I thought I was anything other than completely fine.

Full disclosure: I was drinking during dinner and the hockey game, which paints this whole situation in a different light. When I show up to a hospital hobbling around like a drunk, wounded animal and I’m sober, that’s major cause for concern. When I’m brought to a hospital in that same state and I’ve been drinking, there’s not much interest in investigating what’s going on. And I get it! I get how it must have looked. I’ve had those college experiences, guys. I’ve absolutely drank beyond my limits before. I’ve even thrown up after drinking. However, I have never had any drinking experience that felt like this, or transpired the way that this went down. The closest incident would be my first ever ER visit for this same pain, when I had two beers and then we discovered my misshapen, hydronephrosis-ing kidney. And I was told that I had massive kidney stones but then the doctor took it back.

I’m grateful that I wasn’t alone and that Sean took action by getting me to the hospital, which was clearly no easy feat. Still, I can’t help feeling disappointed in the outcome of the night because I try to be strategic about my hospital visits. I feel like I’ll only make progress on getting some answers if the doctors catch my kidney (or whatever godforsaken organ it is now) behaving badly, but I’ve had those experiences where I’ve gone to an emergency room and they don’t have the right equipment for imaging, or it was so busy there that by the time I was seen, my body had calmed down on its own. I had this dream that if I went back to the emergency room, it would be the last time – they’d finally find it. I truly believe that if they had done an ultrasound on my kidney this past visit, they would’ve seen some interesting and potentially informative things. Anyway. Maybe next time!

The pain was still very present throughout the course of the next two days, although Sean went hardcore nurse mode on me and definitely helped bring me back to life. For whatever reason, as the kidney pain chilled out, I quickly came down with a bad cold in its place. The really nice thing about colds, though, is that I know what they are when they happen AND they go away.

I still believe I might know what’s going on with this sudden spike in painful episodes. I’m away from the city now on operation clean the old house, as well as to get some doctors appointments taken care of. In a shocking twist, I actually pulled myself together enough to go out for my engaged friend’s bachelorette party last night, which I’m so grateful I was able to do while I’m here. I slugged straight seltzer all night but I dance so poorly naturally that I don’t think anyone questioned what was in my champagne glass. I woke up to the ol’ pain around 4am but was able to fall back asleep (thanks to my badass aromatherapy sloth) and the rest of today went pretty smoothly.

Time for my uplifting moral of the story, friends:

There’s a lot of shame in this game.

No matter if it’s alcohol, caffeine, gluten, whatever – there will always be people who think I should just do less of this or more of that, and that I’m still suffering because I’m not disciplined or invested enough to make those changes permanent. Listen, if cutting out any of those things had ever proven to help, I’d be more than happy to make that a permanent lifestyle change. They just…haven’t. If this experience has taught me anything, it’s that I need to stand up for the way that I take care of my own body. As anyone should, y’know? And because everything seems so fragile right now, I’m not going to drink at all until I get some answers. As we know, I’ve had plenty of weird occurrences without any alcohol in my system. This most certainly is not a sure-fire way to keep my pain at bay. It just seems like the intelligent thing to do right now.

Well. Fingers crossed we’ve solved this problem by the playoffs.

big ankle keeps on turning…

I remember when I seriously thought I wouldn’t let myself go a month without posting. Okay. Does it make it any better if I promise there hasn’t been much to mention? I’ve only had two visits to urgent care this month – woohoo! Other than that I’ve been either at work or at home, asleep. Or at the gym. I keep remembering how fit I was this time last year (for the pageant #tbt) and it occurred to me that I could actually pursue being in shape without the pressure of having to walk onstage in a bikini.

Alright, health. The first urgent care trip was right at the start of the month. Remember that ankle injury I keep casually mentioning? Well, I attempted a night out in the city without wearing my ankle brace and turned my ankle YET AGAIN. This particular turn was so glorious, so passionate, that it immediately swelled to twice its size and was impossible to walk on. The friend I went out with shipped me to my boyfriend’s workplace (I may have been running to McDonalds at 1am when it happened), and he shipped me home. The two of us went to urgent care the next day, where I was put in an air cast and told that I need to see an orthopedist because I probably/definitely have nerve damage. Well, joke’s on you because my insurance doesn’t cover specialists within a 2.5 hour radius of where I live! I’ll just wear my ankle sleeve forever.

We may or may not have gone for pints directly after that doctor’s visit.

The second visit was this past Monday. I worked all evening on Sunday with no problems, but when I arrived at the restaurant where Sean (he does have a name) and I were supposed to get drinks and have a mini-holiday celebration with some of his crew, I was hit out of the blue with extreme fatigue and dizziness. I’m somewhat permanently a little bit lightheaded since my blood pressure is irregular, but this was different. This reminded me of the stroke incident back in February. I wasn’t panicked – I just decided that I wouldn’t drink anything besides water while we were out.

About three small glasses of water into the night, the nausea kicked in. I went outside for some fresh air and over the course of the five minutes I was out there, it became harder and harder to stand on my own. My entire left side was weak and I was having a bizarre amount of difficulty speaking coherently. Still, no panic. We went back inside and I forced myself to eat a small, inoffensive piece of potato to see if some food would bring me back to Earth.

Thaaat was all it took for me to run back outside and projectile vomit all over everything. It was likely the most nonchalant vomiting session of all time, as the few scattered people outside genuinely did not notice. One of Sean’s friends, who knew I wasn’t feeling well but didn’t know the details, came out to say goodbye as we obviously had to leave at this point. He went in for a hug…and I had to reject it. Mind you, this is someone I had only met once before, and only very briefly. Just “ahh, no, nope, don’t touch me, sorry.” Amazing.

We sat up for a while at home working on some crackers and water while I clung to a hot water bottle, and headed to urgent care the next morning. The rundown of that appointment was that I don’t have the flu and I’m not pregnant, so…I’m good. Thanks? However, Sean did get himself checked out while I was there, which I’ve been asking him to do for a long time. He also does not have the flu, nor is he with child.

…we went for a pint again after that visit, as well. This is becoming a strange and delightful routine.

~

On another note, my rheumatologist let me know that my lab results from November were normal, except for a serious vitamin D deficiency. It’s a relief to officially rule out some of the potentials that have been hanging over all of this for years, like lupus. I’m plowing on by reopening the kidney investigation next month with a nephrologist my dad trusts and likes a lot, so I’m excited to see what he makes of everything. I do have a new idea of what could be going on with ol’ left kidney, based on my own research. I’m not ready to talk about that here, now, but I will absolutely bring it up with the nephrologist in January.

Y’know, I had this hope that I’d dive right into a new job in January, but I have these two separate, important appointments back home that will require a lot of traveling. Unless I just stay home. Truthfully, I’d love to do that. My Christmas present to my dad is manual labor in & around my mom’s old house – whatever needs taking care of. This will probably include taming the backyard, scrubbing the floors and walls, and boxing up old things. Let me tell ya, that house hasn’t been deeply cleaned top to bottom in a long, long time. Maybe it’s worth sacrificing a month of job progress to be home, battling dirt and nicotine stains, feral cats and wild shrubbery. I can still research and apply for jobs as long as I have my laptop, so there’s that. Plus I’ll have my piano handy. I’ll have friends and family (and doctors!) nearby.

Hmm. I think we have a January plan. Now let’s see if I get my life together enough to write again before December ends. Every year I make a list similar to a list of resolutions, but it’s more about things I want to accomplish rather than things I want to give up or tweak about myself. Granted, some of those things are always included, but I just can’t bring myself to think of it as my “2019 resolutions.” Why am I like this? Still, I think that will be the next post. Wow, a plan!

🙂