if I get one more recruiter email for a vague marketing position I swe-

Hello! It’s Wednesday, so according to my boss (who is me) I must share something today.

How about a recap?! This past week, I:

…went jet skiing for the first time (as a passenger, anyway). Séan loves being on the water and I believe this is his favorite way to be on the water. Mine is kayaking. Or a pool float. But it was pretty cool to see the Statue of Liberty from an unfamiliar angle and to fly past the piers & under the Brooklyn Bridge. Plus it was my own Hitch moment, minus getting kicked in the face. And Will Smith.

…tested out the newly-tidied back patio with a couple of friends. We startled the most precious tiny skunk family by intruding on what is rightfully their space late into the night. I also didn’t realize the wifi wasn’t reaching out back and used all my phone data playing a lively “BBQ playlist” whilst outside. Good.

…sampled beautiful Chinese food at brand new restaurant that I don’t believe has opened officially, yet. Also, took a gamble on a Mexican restaurant in Hoboken and a bar/bistro in Jersey City, both of which were new to the two of us. Everything was delicious, and I’m not even hungry right now so you can trust my judgement. (I don’t love going out to eat while unemployed but I only fight Séan on the subject when it’s getting to be a lot. I’m trying to stop being the brat who takes enjoyment away from him. I’m a very cheap date, anyway, and obviously great company so come on.)

…found a coffee place nearby that brings out my productivity!! This is huge for me. I moved here in April and it took me this long to start exploring…but hey, it’s happening. Not to “not appreciate the now” and all that, but I’m looking forward to the weather cooling down even more now that I’ve discovered this cafe. It’s a long enough walk away, but it will be such a beautiful walk in the fall and coffee will be even more enticing when it’s not 9000 degrees out plus humidity.

…had a nice 14.5 hour workday on the set of a project I know very well, and got to watch my favorite actors play my favorite characters. I don’t usually act in anything I watch, or vice versa, but this was the most perfect exception.

…applied to so many jobs! I’m finally zeroing in on jobs I truly want to do, which I’ve found requires looking outside my usual sources. Which makes sense – those websites haven’t served me well thus far (except Craigslist, I ❤ Craigslist) so I was due for a change in approach. I’m now on just about every job-search platform in existence, and have learned a very valuable lesson: TURN OFF THE THING THAT LETS RECRUITERS REACH OUT TO YOU.

…posted some of my writing (the stylized, poetry-type variety) on Instagram for everyone to see. That’s a scary new thing I’m doing. I stand by my man Austin Kleon though, and his insistence on sharing your work throughout the process. It won’t serve me well to wait until I’ve been confidently writing and editing for years and then start sharing. You just gotta do. And be imperfect. And get there eventually.

My body has been a little funky and achey, but nothing I can’t manage. Séan and I did a lot of walking around on the Fourth of July, which was a very hot and sunny day here. I’m usually good with long walks, but I’ve learned that the hotter it is, the less my body can cope. Not that anyone feels good after a lengthy walk in oppressive heat, but my bod is pretty dramatic about it. My left side gets all worked up, my face gets super flushed, and the headache comes on strong. (I always wonder if my light sensitivity is a leftover concussion factor. Remind me to look into that.)

I forced us to head home before restarting the day and took a nap so deep I may have been dead. I knew I needed it, and I was able to bounce back because of it. I’m in the endless process of trying to pace myself a bit more and not be the “hell yeah let’s do it” girl I want to be, at least not all the time. I have to parent myself a bit more, but I’m getting there. I have a tendency to carry the “lost” moments (or the things I said no to) with me, but looking at that list of things I did do last week, I can take a deep breath and smile.

I’ve been reading a lot of good things lately but I also keep discovering more and more artists to fall in love with: would y’all prefer a list of independent artists who make weird/awesome things and could use some support, or a what-I’m-reading-lately type post next time? I realize no one will answer this question, like when beauty bloggers say “hiiiiii guys, SO MANY of you have been asking for me to do a (blank) video-” and literally no one asked. But just in case anyone has an opinion, please bless me with it. Thank you.

Don’t forget your sunscreen and chins up, you’ve got half the week left. Do something good with it.

when your pain isn’t travel-sized

Last week, I shared some lovely, Instagram-able pictures from my Florida trip. Now I want to get into a detail of the trip that I didn’t bring up before – the fact that health issues don’t necessarily take a chill pill just because you’ve headed away on what is meant to be a relaxing vacation.

I love traveling, but for the past few years the excitement of an upcoming trip has come paired with nervousness regarding how my body will handle the changes in my day-to-day life. When I went to Scotland in October, I had some very sore days that left me curled up on my hostel’s couch with single-use pain relief hot packs all over my body. I wasn’t upset, though, since I had given myself plenty of time to go exploring on days when I felt well enough. Plus, I was thrilled just to be in Scotland. Freakin’ love Scotland.

The stakes were a bit different with Florida. A lot of the aspects of a typical warm-weather getaway involve exposure to things that make my specific symptoms worse: being out in the sun & heat, spending a lot of time walking around, drinking (the fun drinks), eating outside my normal diet (the fun snacks), and sleeping somewhere I’m not used to. I knew that completely “letting loose” would be a bad idea, but decided to allow myself a bit of indulgence, since my symptoms play by no one’s rules, anyway. I can sleep 9 hours a night and eat salads all week and still end up in pain, so I wasn’t about to turn down a $0.99 margarita. (Note: I would like to update my research to reflect that my body gets along with tequila juuuust fine.)

Looking back, I’d say the most challenging part of this trip ended up being how hard it was to stay hydrated, but also not wanting to take too much fluid at once. Drinking a lot of anything too quickly is rough on my kidney, even if my body needs it. The day Sean and I went to the zoo, we could not drink enough water no matter how hard we tried. Granted, we spent an absurd amount of time at the zoo. It was wonderful. The day that followed the zoo visit and the day we wandered around Del Ray not knowing that the UV index was at 11 were hands down the hardest. All my body wanted was to lay down somewhere cool, but I also wanted to see and do as much as possible, and of course, make sure Sean got to do everything he wanted to do. Thankfully, I’m comfortable enough with him to say “no” to things. I did turn down some of his suggestions for the sake of not being miserable for days to come. While we were in Fort Lauderdale, a huge music festival featuring artists we both really like was going on, and Sean suggested we could go to that. Typically, we are “let’s DO IT!” people. However, the purpose of the trip was R&R and a full day of festival debauchery in the sun would not only be a huge, unplanned expense…but would likely leave us sunburnt, sick and exhausted. I’m grateful that each of us was able to remind the other that we don’t have to do it all and to find satisfaction in downtime somewhere a little more exotic than home.

While my body only misbehaved a little, my attention-seeking anxiety brain found lots of reasons to make an appearance in Florida! It started early – I had painted my nails a bright white before leaving to catch our flight, but I didn’t even make it to the place we were staying before I had peeled/scratched it all off. (This is one of my biggest anxiety tics. Do we call them tics? I can’t really paint my fingernails because the slightest chip or imperfection causes me to destroy all of my hard work.) Anyway, that’s what I get for making myself look trendy for the ‘gram.

As the trip went on and more money was spent on car services, sunscreen (so much sunscreen), snacks and various expenses, the more panic started to grow in my mind. It’s extremely normal to worry about finances, I know this, but anxiety takes everything to the next level – where one small unexpected purchase can push me to question/distrust everything…and then I’m itchy and lose my appetite and all in all it’s just not a fun me to be, or be around.

All flashes of pain and panic aside, the trip was a huge success in my book. Sloths were pet, oceans were splashed in, TONS of hockey and soccer games were watched, and Sean got some sleep. Maybe this is a weird comparison, but I feel a bit like a mom to my bratty toddler of a body. See, if I make sure I have some snacks and water packed when I leave the house, that I build time to rest into the daily schedule, and that I’m paying attention to red flag situations like expensive adventures or places where I’m going to feel pressured to push myself…everything goes pretty smoothly!

…I’m realizing now that not going on my college spring break trip might have saved my life. Y’know, being the type of person who is always trying to keep up with the rest of ’em, especially in those days. Thankfully, I am slowly but surely letting go of my need to please and impress other people. What matters is how proud I am of myself when I do something good for my body or mind, or when I pass on a night out and end up finishing a book or chipping away at a writing project.

Speaking of projects, I’m going to go ahead and spoil what would have been a cool surprise – I’ve decided it’s time to make an Instagram account for saorza! However…someone already has the account name “saorza”. I’ve done about all I can to try to get the username for myself, since the account is very obviously inactive. (If anyone has any friends that work at Instagram…let’s talk.) It doesn’t look super promising.

I’m open to suggestions, pals. Does anyone have an idea for a variation on “saorza” that would make a good Instagram handle? Alternatively, any ideas on how to overthrow Instagram? I mean come on. It’s a made up word. I don’t understand.

I appreciate any thoughts/suggestions and hope everyone has a wonderful weekend doing whatever it is you need to do. And stay hydrated. x